Your arrival made us complete. Following years of pain, struggle and tears when you were placed in my arms the world was ok again.
The biggest lesson you have taught me is that love really does help heal some pain. As I watched you grow in the first year of your life I understood why you were here. So strong, so stroppy, so wonderfully rambunctious. I am not sure if I believed in fate before your arrival but your presence makes me understand that you have to trust the timing of your life. I was meant to be your mum.
The second year of your life brought the loss of your siblings and the guilt I held and still do, weighs heavy on my heart. The guilt of not being able to carry both pregnancies and the guilt that I wasn't as present at times for you, as I feel I should have been. Navigating the loss was hard and I am still learning how to cope with the pain from both miscarriages.
I must also be kind to myself and accept that I wont always get it right, but your happiness will always be paramount. Motherhood can be complex but simply put you are my life, bundles of energy that can lift even the darkest fog. As time moves on and we approach your second birthday I feel my sadness quieten too and the laughter become ever more present. That daily laughter with you is the medicine needed, your infectious smile makes everyone who meets you fall in love and I could not be more proud.
I feel so excited for the future, I am not sure if my bravery resides from you or my need to fiercely protect you, but either way I am feeling stronger. As you get older, you may encounter that life won’t always be easy and I hope you will learn that even the hardest moments will pass and surrounding yourself with love will go someway in helping you succeed.
They say after every storm there is a rainbow and if you have eyes you will find it. To me that means looking at you, watching you, loving you and being forever grateful you are here. You are the rainbow and whatever the future holds for us a family we will always be complete with you in our lives.
You hold my heart forever,