I always used food as a substitute for love, comfort, pain, reward, sabotage and punishment!
Yep.... my whole relationship with food was TOXIC!
At times my day often revolved around it, affecting where I went, and who I spent time with....
My relationship with food had become a dependency, an obsessional addiction! This had developed over time - 36 years to be precise. Our relationship with food actually starts in the womb. Yet it wasn't until I reached my late teens that it’s toxicity really took its grip, and eventually became a big issue in my life I’d need to overcome.
Ok, so I’m not being entirely honest with you, I had a LOT of issues! A difficult childhood, and relationship with my past, huge chronic stress & anxiety throughout my life, financial struggles, abusive relationships, addictions and dependencies (I told you there were a few!), and to top it all off, after I had my son (who is now 6), I went through the breakdown of my toxic marriage, which was extremely traumatic at the time.
I literally didn't know who I was anymore, not that I ever really knew that. I felt no worth, value, or self belief, and at times I found life so bloody hard, that I thought what is the point of all this shit!?!!
My son was the point.
After he was born I decided that enough was enough, I made a commitment to myself, and the universe, that I was going to heal. Looking back I didn't actually have a choice, I HAD to heal....
So that’s what I’ve been doing these past 6 years, healing myself and understanding my own journey and purpose, so that I can help others with theirs. After some intense essential me time, my whole relationship with myself has blossomed and so has my relationship with food, life, and other people. Most days I think I’m pretty bloody awesome! NOT in a ‘I love myself way’, but rather a.... ‘I’ve been through utter dark times, yet here I am inspiring and teaching others, whilst showing up every day as a strong, independent, empowered woman way’!
I’m writing this blog so YOU too can know it's possible, so you too can have a blossoming relationship with yourself, with life, food, and with others.... And you sooooo deserve it, even if part of you doubts that. I’m here to show you it’s totally possible, and YOU deserve true freedom, peace, and happiness!! The happy-ever-after kind.
Ladies I’m talking to you!!!
As a mum, our children teach us so much right!??! I mean they make our hearts burst with love, joy and pride! Then there's the other side. They trigger us like no one else can...(ok, maybe for some this also includes parents, husbands/boyfs, ex-husband/boyfs!) When I say trigger, they create an emotional charge and reaction within us from their behaviour. Though, if we’re being entirely honest with ourselves, it's more often than not, an overreaction (which is often totally irrational).
To put it simply. They are our mirrors.
They are partly here to show us whats unhealed within us, so that we can come back to loving ourselves fully. We heal our relationship with ourselves, and everything else slots into place in perfect harmony. I used to find being a single parent soooooo stressful and hard, in many ways. I also found it incredibly rewarding and amazing! Yet I wasn't able to be fully present with my son at times (being honest it was most of the time!).
I was constantly go, go, go ...do, do, do, (with social media addictions creeping in here, can you relate?), and when I was triggered by him, life, others in general, I would turn to food (previously this had also been alcohol, fags, coffee, shopping, work, social media etc!).
It was a coping mechanism, a numb-er, distractor, and a comforter from my emotions and feelings. It was a toxic friend, and a real punisher and shamer too.
I felt so stuck...
When I healed at the core of my emotional wounds, I finally found my freedom, and came back to loving myself fully again... so I could see my true worth, and value. So I could stop financially struggling, and being dependant on others for love, validation, approval, and money! So I could live my own true purpose, and realise I had unique gifts that no one else had. So I could step into my authenticity without being afraid others would judge me, reject me, or cause me harm.
I can hand on heart say now, that after my inner healing work, my relationship with my son is amazing! Don't get me wrong, we totally have our moments, and that's normal...yet when we do, I don't feel shame, guilt, or beat myself up, and we both know our love is consistent throughout. I talk to him about feelings and emotions. He understands I too have emotions, and it’s totally ok if either of us aren't ok some days.
My relationships with others have dramatically changed. Some I’ve walked away from because I know I deserve better. Some have blossomed, because I’ve forgiven and let go. Yet the most rewarding and crucial change of all, has undoubtedly been my relationship with myself, and my body!
How you may ask!?
Well, 6 years ago after my son was born, I went on that committed (no choice!) healing journey. I professionally trained in multiple healing modalities, to find which I resonated with (or rather, which resonated with me), and I didn't stop until I got to this place, a place I knew I’d always reach...“Heal myself first, so I can heal others” was always deeply felt and heard within my heart.
The modalities I use (and SWEAR by) are EFT, mindfulness, and hypnosis. I use my own unique blend of all three, as well as my huge awareness from insight and intuition. After years of experience, with myself, and clients I created my own style, which has simply transformed my life, and ultimately those around me. Particularly the beautiful women I'm so fortunate to work with. You could call them clients, but honestly (hand on heart again), they are friends...and I truly love seeing them transform and blossom in front of my very eyes!!
YOU too can find this freedom, and empowerment.... and trust me it has a ripple effect into EVERY area of your life.
I want to finish on 7 VERY important notes....
1. You cannot eat your emotions
2. Food is not a substitute for love, or company
3. A mirror does NOT determine your worth, or value
4. We are ALL worthy of love, empowerment and freedom!!
5. Self love is a journey, not a destination
6. You are enough, just by being you
7. It’s not really about the food
Love Katie x
Facebook & Instagram: @katiebullenhealing